Divorce is not an easy stage for children or parents. Each case is particular and its causes must be evaluated in depth. For example, if the reason for making the divorce decision is the habitual use of drugs by one of the spouses and he or she does not wish to request help, there is a search for the best solution for the sake of the children and oneself.
Do not lie to children, depending on the age you have to find a way to explain that your father or mother has an addiction and it is considered a disease. After several alternatives and do not work, perhaps the purpose is divorce. An honest communication with the children gives them confidence and security.
Apart from divorce as such there are other factors that are associated with this that is considered a risk factor for a more complicated divorce:
- Change of residence, school, and friends.
- Forced cohabitation with one of the parents or a relative.
- A decrease in the influence of the parent with whom they do not coexist.
- Introduction of new couples of parents.
- Bad adaptation of one of the parents (hostility or depression).
- Pressure on children to take sides or projection of hostility towards them.
- These are the factors on which we must influence to avoid complicated divorces.
All in all, divorce is triggered in children in lower academic performance, decreased self-esteem or self-concept, social difficulties, emotional problems (fear, anxiety, depression) and behavior problems.
Although these problems usually occur during the divorce (in the short term) and end up exceeding after a few years (before the stabilization of the situation) it is also believed that in the long term these children will grow up in adults with more difficulties in engaging with couples and with problems to believe in the continuity of relationships.
Rupture can also increase negative interactions between siblings in general, except if the age differences are large and one is the oldest.
There will be children who by their temperament and the situation of the environment will decide to carry out an avoidance, ignore what happens to them and hide and repress their feelings, act as if nothing (as a coping strategy). This can make parents falsely perceive that things are going well but that is not the case.
This strategy is associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety and behavior problems.
However, good communication should not be confused with forcing your child to fulfill the role of confidant and counselor. This causes tremendous damage since your child is not prepared – neither emotionally nor morally – to take on that role.
Children who assume the role of confidant of their parents is more likely to suffer from eating disorders such as anorexia. More often, mothers tend to fall into this “trap” with their adolescent daughters, especially when they show maturity and empathy.
To conclude, it is essential that, as a parent, we are willing to provide all the support and restraint that our children need in a situation of these characteristics.
Of course, even on occasion, overcoming our own pain and suffering.